The tween years include a lot of fun times with friends. In fact, some tweens become so close that there is hardly any room to accept others. It is called a clique when tweens band together with others who share the same interests or ideas. While these groups provide comfort for those included, for the tween that is excluded it can be torture. Help your child find true friends in school for a rewarding friendship experience.
Cliques Based on Common Interests
In most cases, a clique may be based on interests or common activities. Most adults can tell you the distinct cliques they remember from school. There are usually the:
- Jocks/Cheerleaders
- Artists/Actors
- Nerds
- Freaks
These cliques are not any different today. Each group has its common interests including those striving for good grades and even mischief seekers, which is generally not a parent's clique of choice for a child. These groups often revolve around school activities offered such as sports teams, drama club, or the many academic activities [ "Kids and Cliques-What You Need to Know " by Istar Schwager, Ph.D., Highlights.com]. The children in each clique often spend many after school hours together and form tight bonds.
Many children may find these groups to be very supportive. For the children who are included, it can provide a sense of belonging. These tweens often depend on one another for advice and support to survive the upper elementary and middle school years. Many children feel that they cannot discuss everything with their parents and look to the support of friends when a situation arises. These cliques often provide a sense of feeling of normal within the scheme of things.
When Cliques Become Unhealthy
The problem with many of cliques is that they are very choosy in who is allowed to join. There is not an actual sign up process, and it mostly comes down to personality, including likes and dislikes. Some groups are even formed based on social status. If a child is not a participant in the specific activity or does not have the financial background, she is often disregarded.
Some cliques require a specific style of dress or popularity factor, for example, wearing clothes that are too revealing for the age. These items are not available to all children, and some tweens cannot attain the social status required, often because parents disagree with the clique's status. Those who are not included can feel very upset by the exclusion. There are often emotional scars and damage from being pushed aside, and not feeling a sense of being included or normal. This requires communication with a tween, so she understands why the clique she so wants to belong to is not reputable in the eyes of a parent.
Another issue that often occurs with a clique is that the peers that are not included can often be picked on (bullying). Peer pressure within cliques can often lead to children feeling it is okay to make fun of others. Tweens will often do what they feel is socially acceptable. In this way, if a group thinks that the practice of being mean to others is okay, many children often jump on board. So while a group can be lots of fun if you are in, it can often be very hurtful and even embarrassing to not be included.
Not all cliques are bad or go out of the way to make other children feel inadequate. Take time to explain to your child what makes a good friend, and what are the characteristics of superficial friends. Finding a few true friends is worth much more than a whole group of superficial friends. Cliques will never go away, but knowing how to handle them will help your tween feel more confident about who she really is.
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Denise Oliveri - Denise has been writing for Suite101 for many years, and enjoys sharing her experiences and knowledge with readers. Her main occupation at ...
